second-string (-striŋ′)
adjective
1. that is the second or a substitute choice for play at the specified position
2. subordinate or inferior in rank, importance, etc.

ouch! who would EVER want to be anyone's second string?
imagine if after Jesus gave up his life being whipped for hours upon end and hung on a wooden cross for the human race, God said, "ah, son. i appreciate you. you took one for the team, but i'm gonna to keep you in your tomb and resurrect Simon Saul over here and make him Savior."

and even worse, who would EVER want to think they're first string, then get violently and unapologetically shoved to second?

in the acting world, for those who aren't in it, many call this a part of "the business".
been promised a role but get replaced by a celebrity? "well, that's the business."
been workshopping a play for years for no pay, then the production finally gets financed and your role is given to someone prettier and younger? "the business."

i'm learning that it happens to us all.
so now, i'm trying to learn how to deal with it without developing ulcers.

i do not want this to be a pity party.
it is, instead, a log of lessons learned.
and before i list the lessons, here's the beginning of me further educating myself:



below are a few of my stories.
this could be a long one. might wanna grab a bowl of kettle corn.


one.
coupla years ago, there was a Broadway show for which I was fortunate enough to get an audition for from an online self-submission. never happens. figured it must've been fate calling. it was an understudy for the lead role.
went in, read for this big time director, who we'll just call "Deb". it seemed to go well, but i figured my chances were nil and kept moving.
that night, the casting director calls. Deb wanted to see me for a match up, which entails me standing next to the other star of the play, famous actor that we'll just call "Terry".
I. AM. ECSTATIC.

next day, i go in. there are only 3 of us up for this role. (what?)
Terry walks in with all his fineness.
we take turns standing next to him.
Deb: "Mmhm. Mmhm. Mmhm. Okay, thank you Terry."

we leave the room.

5 minutes later.
Casting director: "You're all amazing. You're all winners, but we're going to let one of you go."
Me: *breathing heavy*
Casting director: "Actress #1, we're going to let you go."
awkward silence as #1 gathers her things to leave.

two of us left.
we read sides again.

we leave.
we exchange numbers.

later that day...
I get a voicemail from Actress #2: "I just wanted to congratulate you!"
Me: *GASP*
#2: "I found out I didn't get the role!"
Me: **GASP**
#2: "Give me a call when you can!"
Me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can barely contain myself as i call her (but wonder in the back of my mind why they haven't called me yet).

after years of struggling, I'd finally grabbed hold of something tangible to hand to my mother. my father. my little cousins in florida. that teacher in undergrad who said i would'nt make it to Broadway. finally. i cried many tears of joy.

later that night...
still no call.

the next morning...
still no call.

the next day...the next day...and the next.
no. call.

so I call.
Casting director: "You have such a great talent, and we thank you so much for coming in to audition...."
Me: (Ah. ok.)

being the sensitive puppy that I am, cried for about 3 days.
how swiftly those tears of joy turned to sorrow.

3 weeks later, sweet and considerate Actress #2 calls:
"you'll never believe who they cast as the understudy."
Me: "who?"
#2: "Actress #1."
Me: *gasp*
#2: "and they cast me as the second understudy."
....Me: ...*gasp*...



two.
so, auditioned for a student film.
got the job.
was ECSTATIC.
(shoulda learned from story 1 about getting ecstatic.)
began doing research, studying lines.

2 days later, director calls.
stupid student director: "I'm so sorry to do this, but I'm going to give this role to a good friend of mine instead."
Me: ......(what.)
stupid student director: "I'm so sorry."


three.
years ago, I was cast as the lead in my first Equity job.
it was the job that landed me my equity card.
but it was a children's show.
though i didn't mind...I love children.
but i certainly spent a lot of time unloading, building, and loading sets.

went through a couple rewrites of the script.
worked on music til i lost my voice.
even did a full production of a more mature version of the script.

all in all, spent a lot of time (years, actually) for VERY little money, if any at all.
became good friends with the writer, director, cast, producer...

the same producer, in fact, that replaced me with a Broadway actress.
oh, miss producer smiled in my face after shows.
she told me how wonderful it all was.
i appreciated her. and thought she appreciated me.

but as soon as there was more interest in the show, i was the first to be booted.
and unfortunately, wasn't even told.
by no one. folks i thought i'd become friends with.

when it was time for the next production to begin with the Broadway actress in the lead,
the director was apparently afraid i'd find out.
so he emailed me a short apology.
last time i heard from him.


four.
workshopped a script for 4 years.
seriously.
4 years.
never...ever...got a check.

the script finally got some attention, and i was replaced.
by a Broadway actress.




........truly, i could continue.
but you get the picture.

i am glad these experiences came my way.
they have each made me stronger.
and taught me that i need to be smart, know the business,
and build a good team.
next blog will be about them apples.
the team, that is.