chien

do you love me
insistently
for you feel my story
ego no block yuh
no vanity?
you furry psychic
you see my heart
read my past
you move past
that
and through that
to be present
with me
in the way i have to study to be
meditate, seek Buddha, Jesus and Joseph
to be

and we never get it
and live behind walls
and can't see each other
and fall from it all
though you wait for us
to wake up

then we die
and you lie at our grave
to just be

finger

mine massaged you
while yours massaged keys
if we had wings,
we'd be worker bees
you'd be the queen
and i'd make your honey

though you're more like a king
and i'm down on my knees
on each finger a ring
kissed your palm if you pleased
lift the palm wave the palm
you ride donkeys like Jeez
and my palms like the leaves
on those high palm trees
can you forgive me my sins?
can you please hear my pleas?
but you stomped on my palm
like one, two, three

only two fingers left
so i asked you for peace
put up the sign
put up deuces with ease
then you took your palm
put that deuce in a squeeze
one finger snapped
and i looked down to see

only one more left
so i pointed at thee
your ass is to blame
your heavy donkey
and
my one finger points west
but four point back east
if i choose to blame you
i've also gotta blame me.

mane

this king of the jungle
can't find his pride
he's put on a few pounds
kinda empty inside

this tortoise sees him wander
then, their paths collide
tortoise says "you look spent.
hop on the shell for a ride."

this lion leaps on
his heavy paws thud
tortoise struggles from the weight
but the companion feels good
this lion starts in
on his sad, sad life
and these sad, sad days
lost his sad, sad wife
how he was always in pain
scavenged from sun to moon
thinks ill-fortune follows
thinks he'll die of heartbreak soon

tortoise listens so well
feels his pain as her own
tells him she's so sorry
he doesn't have to be alone

but tortoise is thirsty now
she could use a massage
did she pick up a sad sack?
was the companion a mirage?

but now he claims he loves her
wants this shell-ride forever
he appeals to her worth
his flattery turns clever
and his mane gives her warmth
plus, come on, he's a king
perhaps they're perfect together
perhaps he's everything

lion shifts on the ride
says "your shell's way too hard
you walk pretty damn slow
we ain't gotten very far
i wish your claws were painted pink
wish you had straight hair
wish you saw God how i see God
we'd be a pretty good pair.
if only you cared more
of my sad, sad pain
but i don't think you care for me."
just then, it starts to rain.

tortoise raises her umbrella
to shield her new friend
then tortoise trudges on
but she slows from the wind
the rain blinds her sight
her steps slow in the mud
she could really use some help
as the path starts to flood
but lion keeps talking
of his sad, sad life
as tortoise prays for strength
to keep them both alive
"please, bless this union
please, take away his pain
keep my love safe"
as it rains and it rains

and the water rises
and tortoise starts to drown
and lion floats on her shell
can't see they're far from the ground
and tortoise grows quiet
she can't make a sound
she's stopped breathing
perhaps she's dead now

lion starts to get wet
damn tortoise is to blame
the water tickles his paws
and dampens his mane

from the water she rises
spirit separates from shell
she knew she had no damn business
and she knew very well
shouldn't have carried that weight
because the last time she fell,
that other lion was fucking crazy
fell under his lion spell
but she's addicted to filling needs
got no lion to blame
her and the gotdamn Giving Tree
just one in the gotdamn same

as lion sinks into the deep
he's lost the most precious thing
but thank the good Lord
that he's still king.

wings

in the dark i stand
hands extended, exalting
exhaling, exhausting the thoughts in
basal ganglia's house.
whisper shouts
and fix my mouth
'round words of gratitude
hands in the air, i whisper in ears
that hear quiet and clear
the ancestors do
they surround me
stay and ground me
reiki man said my angels had found me
he cleared out third chakra
so heart would start pounding
again. the bulb flashes on and i'm in
i'm on

amber glow sends me out from the dark to the house
or the stoop or the room or the middle of June
or whatever the playwright needs them to consume
if God were the playwright
Nedra He cued
i was on, i was in
now i'm out and i'm off
stage
in the wings
to be cued
for better things.

older

older i get
less words i say
easier to pivot
walk the fuck away
or bare this heart
to you
which, dammit, makes me stay
push this cloud
and condensation
out the good gotdamn way
wake up, intuition
on dark days, i pray
pull the curtains
pray for certains
in this brand new day
'cause my mama sees me sad
that makes daddy mad
whole family thinks i'm a bitch
when cloud's my launching pad
i get it, Grandma
80 years, less words you had
young-you was all love, all tries
then
love rots, and try goes bad
so, deuces, younger-me
stacked loves over tries
egad
cross-hatched believer
life gone plaid
older-me real to the realest real
show younger to the door
close that shit like Hodor
as Chance would have it
we don't do the same drugs no more

arisen

five years
revelatory and embarrassing and endearing to re-read it all.

still
in this studio in brooklyn heights
teaching
actor

now
professor
ex-fiancée
profoundly clear that i am this
screenwriter
clearer
muddier

continuing this, incognito...?
♥

kibibi dillon

my dearest friend,

i love you. from the deepest depths of my heart.

you have taught me so much. and i carry you with me

every single day.

and i will forever.

as will thousands of others.

you certainly still live on.

thank you.