in the wings

in the dark i stand
hands extended, exalting
exhaling, exhausting the thoughts in
basal ganglia's house.
whisper shouts
and fix my mouth
'round words of gratitude
hands in the air, i whisper in ears
that hear quiet and clear
the ancestors do
they surround me
stay and ground me
reiki man said my angels had found me
he cleared out third chakra
so heart would start pounding
again. the bulb flashes on and i'm in
i'm on

amber glow sends me out from the dark to the house
or the stoop or the room or the middle of June
or whatever the playwright needs them to consume
if God were the playwright
the Obamas He cued
they were on, they were in
now they're out and they're off
in the wings
to be cued
for better things.



older i get
less words i say
easier to pivot
walk the fuck away
or bare this heart
to you
which, dammit, makes me stay
push this cloud
and condensation
out the good gotdamn way
wake up, intuition
on dark days, i pray
pull the curtains
pray for certains
in this brand new day
'cause my mama sees me sad
that makes daddy mad
whole family thinks i'm a bitch
when cloud's my launching pad
i get it, Grandma
80 years, less words you had
young-you was all love, all tries
over time
love rots, and try goes bad
so, deuces, younger-me
stacked loves over tries
cross-hatched believer!
life gone plaid!
older-me real to the realest real
show younger to the door
close that shit like Hodor
as Chance would have it
'we don't do the same drugs no more'



five years
revelatory and embarrassing and endearing to re-read it all.

in this studio in brooklyn heights

profoundly clear that i am this

continuing this, incognito...?


kibibi dillon

my dearest friend,
i love you. from the deepest depths of my heart.
you have taught me so much. and i carry you with me
every single day.
and i will forever.
as will thousands of others.
you certainly still live on.

thank you.



praises! i'm walking.
things i learned while on crutches:

1. we're all capable of so much more.
2. helping those in need gives us purpose and peace.
3. sitting is overrated.
4. every single "can't" finds new life with a "how can i?"
5. with plenty of time to surf the net, i've found the 'missed connections' section of craigslist:

Dear Ex-bf - w4m - 29 (brooklyn)
I saw you places a couple of times lately and then last night I dreamt we were friends. It was lovely but still very hard.


You Were Crying On Madison Ave - m4w - 29 (Flatiron)
You were in a colorful dress on the corner waiting to cross, and crying pretty intensely. I asked if you were alright and needed anything, and I couldn't make out what you said had happened. I would have offered you my umbrella from the rain, if I had one to offer. I hope you're alright and whatever happened passes. Bad things happen to all of us, it's what we take away from it and do afterwards that matters. Good luck to you.



three weeks ago, my right leg slipped into a gap between the platform and the train at Times Square 42nd street in NYC.
it happened so quickly, and i was halfway on the train, so i pulled my leg out, onto the train, and the doors closed. 

the average new yorker is has stared at this sign on the subway on a consistent basis:

...and the average new yorker knows that people don't step in the gap.
i mean, why would they do that?
well, that shit happens.

went to the emergency room, was admitted to the hospital, been on crutches for 3 weeks.
whole nine.
waiting my spot in the emergency purgatory room of doom

fall risk indeed.
it's been almost 3 weeks, and everyone keeps asking when i'll be better.
'when will you be off the crutches?'
'when will you walk again?'
'when will you be miraculously healed and the 7-inch hemotoma melt away into oblivion?'

i don't know.

i mean, when do we ever know when?
if we knew when, we'd spend much more time with loved ones before they exit.
we'd freshen our breath before we bumped into the love of our life.
we'd walk very slowly over a gap and through a subway door.
but if we always know when, what's the point of living?
guess we're constantly being prepared for whenever when happens.

i'm beginning to find peace with it, though ya'll ruin it every time you ask.
so stop asking.
because i don't know.


james earl jones, @yrservice

today, a friend reminded me of a lesson i've learned while cruising through this world of acting.
goes like this.

many, many months ago, i had the honor of being a featured vocalist at an annual fundraiser for Paul Newman's Westport Country Playhouse. thanks to the incomparable Q Smith, i was onstage with amazingness:
(mm-hm. Julia Roberts.)
after the event, all the performers and guests were invited to an AMAZING catered dinner.
there was a buzz at my table, then i
heard the news.
James Earl Jones was at the table next to us.

a beat non-skipped, i went over to introduce myself and have a brief chat. took a photo:

and that was that.
J.E.J. and me.
sitting side by side.

eating the same food.
sharing in the same celebration.

..... ..... ..... fast forward ..... ..... .....

two weeks later, i was on a catering job.

if you've read earlier blogs (see
this one), you know i quit that craziness.

i was in the kitchen before the guests arrived. my captain brought word there wer
e a couple of early guests and i should go pour them water.
ugh. even the action of pouring someone else water got to me.

i walked out with the water.
saw them sitting with their backs to me.
walked over.

it was J.E.J. and his wife.

i wrestled with what to say, but before i could say anything, he recognized me.
i joked about catering and being an actor, poured their water, and went back into the kitchen.

the rest of the night, i couldn't shake the feeling of humility and revelation.

dining with him one day, serving him the next.

jesus washing the disciples feet.
.......vanilla ice hosting a home improvement show.

i was reminded to respect any and every one that crossed my path.
those serving me.
we are all on equal ground. no matter the pomp and circumstance that may momentarily ride our coattails.

shoot. i betchu, sometime next year, J.E.J. will be pouring me water.mm-hm. yep.