kibibi dillon

my dearest friend,

i love you. from the deepest depths of my heart.

you have taught me so much. and i carry you with me

every single day.

and i will forever.

as will thousands of others.

you certainly still live on.

thank you.

used vs. celebrated

a life lesson i'm in the midst of learning from my career as an actor:
if someone has something to prove to you
makes lots of promises
showers you with flowery language
and grand plans,
it's probably a lie.

they're there to use you.

i'm looking for someones who have nothing to prove.
who lay it all out in the open
and trust what they're offering is good enough
that i would want to snatch it up
and know that in the midst of that agreement
i--and we--will be celebrated along the way.

learned.

praises! i'm walking.
things i learned while on crutches:

1. we're all capable of so much more.
2. helping those in need gives us purpose and peace.
3. sitting is overrated.
4. every single "can't" finds new life with a "how can i?"
5. with plenty of time to surf the net, i've found the 'missed connections' section of craigslist is so beautiful:

Dear Ex-bf - w4m - 29 (brooklyn)
I saw you places a couple of times lately and then last night I dreamt we were friends. It was lovely but still very hard.

and

You Were Crying On Madison Ave - m4w - 29 (Flatiron)
You were in a colorful dress on the corner waiting to cross, and crying pretty intensely. I asked if you were alright and needed anything, and I couldn't make out what you said had happened. I would have offered you my umbrella from the rain, if I had one to offer. I hope you're alright and whatever happened passes. Bad things happen to all of us, it's what we take away from it and do afterwards that matters. Good luck to you.

when

three weeks ago, my right leg slipped into a gap between the platform and the train at Times Square 42nd street in NYC.
it happened so quickly, and i was halfway on the train, so i pulled my leg out, onto the train, and the doors closed. 


the average new yorker is has stared at this sign on the subway on a consistent basis:

...and the average new yorker knows that people don't step in the gap.

i mean, why would they do that?

well, that shit happens.

went to the emergency room, was admitted to the hospital, been on crutches for 3 weeks.

whole nine.

waiting my spot in the emergency purgatory room of doom



'fall risk' indeed.

   

and when i almost fainted, they saved me by poking this thing in my arm and leaving it there to torture me til i was discharged.



thank baby Jesus i had an amazing view to keep me sane and grateful.



it's been almost 3 weeks, and everyone keeps asking when i'll be better.

'when will you be off the crutches?'

'when will you walk again?'

'when will you be miraculously healed and the 7-inch hemotoma melt away into oblivion?'

i don't know.

i mean, when do we ever know when?

if we knew when, we'd spend much more time with loved ones before they exit.

we'd freshen our breath before we bumped into the love of our life.

we'd walk very slowly over a gap and through a subway door.

but if we always know when, what's the point of living?

guess we're constantly being prepared for whenever when happens.

i'm beginning to find peace with it, though ya'll ruin it every time you ask.

so stop asking.

because i don't know.

oprah.

i love this woman.
i'm not ashamed to say it and i'll never renege.
i believe that people who don't like her haven't spent enough time watching her.

i'm very sad to see her go. sad that my future children will never watch her on TV.
(well, unless i buy the box sets of DVDS)

i once wrote to oprah, asking that she help me meet one of my childhood idols, Merlin Santana.
(just google him, it hurts to explain..)
i wish i'd gotten this reponse:

peace out, oprah.

random rambling rant

i'm sitting in the Marriott Renaissance Inn in Montgomery, AL

the morning of the Southern Writers Project's reading of

John Walch and Nile Rodger's new musical, "Doubletime".

Nile's Blog

the show's been around for years, so i've come into it later in the process,

but it's been a huge blessing nonetheless.

these 10 days at the Alabama Shakespeare Festival have been
such a welcome break from ALL that i left in new york,
including an apartment flood and a few situations i needed space from
in order to gain perspective.


however, i've also confirmed that my life doesn't leave me simply because i've left.

wherever i go, there goes my life. it's always with me.
no running, no hiding, no pushing to the side.
and that's comforting. i wouldn't ever want to run away from my life.
i would want to face it head on. deal with what's in front of me.
and have been trying to lately, more so than before.
it's taking a while for me to get the hang of it, because i'm 20+ years out of practice.

but what brings me comfort is knowing how much of what i'm experiencing
i've created myself.
through my fears, my passions, and my past, i've created it all.

.....or have i?
to believe in predestiny or not? hmm.

i DO know that lately, the more honest i am with myself,
the better off i've been.
the more i allow myself to feel what i'm feeling,
to express and communicate what i'm thinking,
the freer i am.
so that's a start.

i truly do want to be the best possible version of me.
i hope and pray that i'm closer today than i was yesterday.

the audience

new york artist
claims deep and subtle
so timely, relevant
concerned, guttoral.

new york artist
writes you for me
for i and she
so, woe is we.

new york artist
starves to create
work hard, soft play
no charge, fugg pay

new york artist
gets cast, is blast
earns fast, broadcast
now past is passed

new york artist
forgets the heart
ignores the art
archives the start

new york artist
drops the cause
for haute applause
thy kingdom calls

new york artist
neglects the slums
forgets the bums
then splits the tongue;

the mouf can't eat
the eyes caint read
our people can't see
for them we bleed

they can't afford
the work we bore
for them, i'm sure

if not,
who for?